Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Paradise Regained!

Here is what happens when you (to be fair, 'you' needs to be qualified, but the information has been withheld for some specific professional reasons, and left for the reader to interpret) cheat on your diet, and eat dal-chawal with dollops of ghee and aaloo-beans bhaji, followed by some heavenly halwa, the taste of which, you fear, you shall soon forget:

a) You are blessed by your perpetually starved gustatory cells, and on a micro level, by the mitochondria (Because I did not wish to be a doctor, they never believed me, but I did take my Biology lessons seriously).

b) You bless the cook and try to remember as many adjectives as you can, both for the cook and the cooked (cursing yourself, all the while, for not taking Norman Lewis seriously).

c) You are transported to the class of 2006, where Dr. Christel Devdawson is teaching Milton's Paradise Lost. In your hallucination, you begin to comprehend those lines: "[A plate of ghee-laden dal-chawal, aloo-beans bhaji and halwa in] its own place, and in it self / Can make a Heaven of Hell, [and, in absence of the subject under reference] a Hell of Heaven!"

d) You find it difficult to digest (no pun intended) that Literary Theory can have such a lucid explanation: Indeed, Heaven and Hell are a state of mind as governed by the accessibility, or the inaccessibility of the aforementioned 'plate'.

e) You become a pro at time-travel, traversing psychological and real/chronological time (If alive, Virgina Woolf would have been impressed).

f) In the psychological spacetime continuum you relish the joys of the 'sinful' Heaven (Shhh...that's a blasphemous oxymoron), and like Dr. Faustus, feel: "Am I not tormented with ten thousand hells/ In being deprived of [this]...bliss [everyday]?"

g) Your over-enthusiastic use of the oxy-MORON (your word-power becomes powerful when it shouldn't) results in your fall from 'Grace'. You are confronted by the 'real' time as you plead guilty of the 'sin of gluttony': "How am I glutted with the conceit of this...that I tasted the joys of heaven?"

h) 'Stream of Consciousness' makes complete sense to you. NOW!

i) "Damn! Where was this ingenuity during the exams?" You exclaim!

P.S:

j) "To eat, or not to eat?" You realize, that is still 'the question' .

k) You ask yourself not to worry. You know that you are perfectly normal; You just happen to be a literature student grappling with a temporary existential angst.

15 comments:

  1. These 'specific professional reasons' seem to have done a lot of good to you.

    i) It has given you an awesome sense of humor (or maybe the time/will to express it :D)

    but much more importantly

    ii) You, of all people, have started caring for food. Can the entire world put together change more than this?

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  2. @Divesh: Thank you! Finally, I get it right. I was apprehensive in posting it, because all my previous attempts at humour have failed miserably.

    I always 'cared' for food. Just that the forced abstinance makes me indulge my taste buds once in a while, and value that indulgence all the more.:)

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  3. "I always 'cared' for food." Ahem! Ahem!

    "Food is always the last thing on my mind" - remember?

    Two statements by the same person at different points of time. One should be careful with the use of the word 'always'. It is one word that is never open for interpretation. :D

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  4. @Divesh: I do not contend. 'Always' is not open for interpretation, but 'cared' is. I did and still do take 'care' that I do not to waste food.:)

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  5. Ok, so you want to win, I get it. They say winning is not everything. So, I accept defeat. Congratulations, you win :).

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  6. Hi,
    Just read your blog for the very first time. In the afternoon as I was contemplating / planning my latest excursion from my 2-day old diet plan, I stumbled onto your blog. And behold, in your post you gave me every reason to indulge / to cheat for just one more day. The timing was quite extraordinary. You only posted this today and somehow I stumbled onto it. Maybe I was ‘meant’ to cheat today.

    Great Read. Humorous and Witty. Thoroughly enjoyed it, almost as much as my excursion :P

    One Question: Was that an actual image of the offending meal?

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  7. @Divesh: Actually, 'food' wins. It is still not the first thing on my mind, but it is not the 'last' anymore:).

    @HJ: Thanks for dropping by.

    The image is courtesy Google (finding the right one took more time than writing the post). The actual one had 'halwa' too!:)

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  8. @Nivedita: Tell me about it. I have, on numeruous occasions, stopped short of writing my own blog becuase I couldn't find the right intro, title or image.

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  9. @HJ: It's never too late to start. I look forward to read your blog.

    @gsiddharth: "u inspire me"! To do what? Cheat on your diet? Ah, well! I shall take it as a compliment Siddharth!:)

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  10. Lol.. naaa, just to take up those literature books more seriously then I do!

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  11. @Nivedita: Agreed. Time to let words weave their magic.

    I must admit, I was indeed 'inspired' to cheat on my diet. And cheat I did!

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  12. :O
    you have already become a blog celeb ?!
    and I thought i was the first one to stumble across your blog ;)

    well so much for the पापी पेट !

    one suggestion though you should hyperlink "text" which others may not be able to draw reference to, for eg. Norman Lewis, and the reference to Word Power Made Easy (hope i am right)

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  13. @Anand: 'Blog celeb'? Nah! It's the 'पापी पेट ' that deserves all the credit!:)

    Thanks for suggesting the hyperlink idea. Yes, the reference is to Word Power Made Easy.

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